A New And Improved Me - UPDATE

Hey there! It has been so long! I have a facebook page that I constantly update, but I really would love to get back into here, simply because it's where I started. I have made so much progress. I go to the gym 5-6 days a week. I started: eating healthy, lifting weights, doing cardio, swimming in the ocean every weekend and picked up some new hobbies! I have learned weight isnt really as important as I thought. In the beginning I weighed: 185 Now I weigh: 155-60 My waist was about 34 or slightly a bit more My waist now is about 28 or less depending on the brand. I have some biceps, pretty solid triceps, decent shaped shoulders, my butt is getting nice, bigger and rounder, my legs are a lot more toned, and my posture is great! Although, a lot has changed I have made a goal and I feel it is very far from where I am now. I still need to work on many things. I have gotten smaller in the waist, but my belly still exists and is rather round. My butt is nicer, rounder and bigger, but its not as round and as big as I would like them to be. I can flex my biceps and they are get a nice shape but, I still have to grow. My triceps are pretty solid, but I would love for them to pop. My legs are great, but they still rub together a tiny bit and I would love it if they didn't. My back is nice and strong, but I still have a bit of those extra slabs of ... extra.. lol..and thats got to go for sure! I have a long way to go, but I am happy I have come so far and learned SO much! I have received a compliment from a legit body builder, saying if i leaned out I could definitely be a bikini model, so I have had a big boost from that, but I still am not sure I can get there. I am for sure going to try and not stop until I do, but who knows how long that will take! I have picked up a new eating habit. NO more diets! It has to be for life! I will never let myself go back! I eat healthy 6 days a week and have one cheat day with two cheat meals and maybe a few small snacks or a dessert! I will talk more about my diet and those trains of thoughts linked in another post, because there is A LOT to be said about that! I have picked up weights and hobbies! I will also get into detail with those things in another post. I isolate body parts each day and work 5 days a week. If I feel the need to do a day of abs or cardio on the side that is where day 6 comes in! I learned to run on the treadmill 30 minutes no problem! I used to HATE running, but I love it now. I have been a nincompoop about it lately, but have leaned out since I have not been doing it, so I've got some thinking to do about how to handle this and start a new routine. I run to look good, to better my breathing, to better my heart and to be strong, so I for sure wont give it up! I also swim in the ocean for at least and hour. It is an amazing whole body workout/stretch and even though it is tough it is SO relaxing! I also am learning to do the traveling rings! This is so fun and a FANTASTIC workout! I will get into details about that later, but for now feel free to look up some videos on it on youtube! Since I am at the beach I play Frisbee and walk around a lot. I have so much to say and so much to share. I hope more than just posting to myself will come of all my little adventures! I will be posting pictures soon so stay tuned! miss this page! x0x nosnoozieq

Happy New Year!

Hey there. I havent been around, sorry for the delay. Life has been really hectic. My break up, tight with money, the loss of my independent Iphone (600$), the loss of internet at work (my only internet source besides the coffee shop), the laptops L.E.D (screen) going out, getting a new boyfriend (hes simply fantastic - areal sweetie pie-) and now i have returned with the laptop and an Iphone. whoop whoop! So on to the fitness part of my blog!

Trainer 1 and trainer 2 have slowly faded out of the picture. I feel like they stopped taking me seriously. Trainer (my main man) started to drift, cut out early and use his phone entirely too much. It was a great start, and good while it lasted.

Now, I train with my boyfriend. My new BF is a great trainer, so I think. He used to be a really heavy set guy, I am talking 300 pounds! Now, He is 2oo & something, however he's practically all muscle. He does MMA, was a trainer at L.A Fitness and is living the body builder lifestyle. So, with all of that said, you can bet your bottom that I am working out with him!

I go to the gym 5-6 days a week and I am lifting weights, just as he does, but with less weight. We have a cheat day, Monday. Monday is our day off and we don't go too crazy. We have about a meal and a half of what we like, but it certainly is nice.
We, also, dont work out but we go for walks and as soon as summer comes we'll be heading to the beach to play all kinds of summer, beach game fun!

I always say this, but I hope I'll be in shape by then. At the very least a smaller belly! my arms and legs aren't as bad as my tummy and back, but im looking for overall improvement. I am currently teetering at 164-168. I did reach 162 but it didnt stick unfortunately. My BF says it's because I am weight lifting, but I would really love to lose more weight and have muscle, I prefer the lean look.

I really think L.A is cheating though! I am supposed to have until June! However, it is already getting sunny! ah! Well, my BF says I should be getting into shape in two months, We shall see! Two months starts this month!

I am taking plenty of pills to boost metabolism and help me with my over all health:
*B-12: (BOOSTS METABOLISM & GIVES ENERGY)
*FISH OIL: (FOR YOUR HEART, SKIN, NAILS, METABOLISM)
*VITAMIN D: (IT IS FOR HAPPINESS -i never see the sun, and that is exactly how you get vitamin d)
*ZINK: (GOOD FOR SKIN AND IMMUNE AND METABOLISM)
*MACA ROOT: (LABITTO & METABOLISM BOOST)
*GRAPEFRUIT SEED: (METABOLISM BOOST)

I will start taking two other things to boost my metabolism and block fat. I have forgotten the names of them. I will start to take them Tuesday and I will get back to you on the name of those two. All These can be found at the Vitamin Shop.

I will be looking into other things such as collagen and tea tree oil, vitamin e and a couple other products for the skin. After all I want my appearance to be the best I can make it, which is a lot of maintenance for me.
signing off,

nosnoozieq
xox

Update = 0 )

Hey there!
yes! another update!
well.. October is coming up soon and I don't think i can make my goal but thats no reason to get discouraged!
So I am really behind! I did take a lot of time off from the gym last month and it seems ever since I have stopped taking my b-12 and stopped the running going back to the gym has been hard, but the good news is I am so positive. OK so its odd that i get all lazy, but at night when I've been taking my caffeine I've been wishing i was at the gym, so i think i just need to fix my sleepy head time! I also bought my b-12 again.. sheew!
so, i promise i will go to the gym tomorrow!
also my weight!
my weight is 171!
i am happy Ive' lost weight even though i haven't been attending the gym. But i will go! i still have a month and 20 days til Halloween so we will see what i can do!

also, i heard about this diet with a supplement called Sensa. I will be trying that, and I'll keep track of that to see what goes on. I am very interested, because I hear from friends it actually works! pretty cool!
so, I will try that and pick up some grapefruit and juice that!
i have a lot of healthy things to do and I hope you do too!


I will also be updating this blog with things for dietary help. Metabolism boosts, fat burners and recipes or ideas for healthy eating.

46 pounds to lose for Halloween! thats 23 pounds each month. I am not so sure I can make that. But 23 for two months is still cool to me! whatever! ill take what i get and just work harder! no giving up! i may take breaks but noo nooo noooo! no giving up!

update again = 0 )

Hey guys. I am so sorry I have not kept up with my blog. I am still doing pretty well.
I am still going to the gym. I had lost my steam for a bit, but its not what you think. I lost motivation and focus but i went anyways, which made working out painful. But I am getting back on track.

about my goals. they are still the same. However, I have not succeed in achieving them. This is the third month and my goal was to lose 30 pound by the end of the 3rd month. I have only lost 13 over all.

in JULY: i weighed in at 174-172

As of this month I have maintained 174.

I was doing a lot of cardio but I've found a complication to it, and until I can fix that I would like to put that away and work on weight lifting and my abs. I have until the end of the month to lose 19 pounds to catch up but, im not so sure that could happen. I have my eye on my goal (30 total) but I am just going to do my best.

what do you think? how do you guys feel?

Hello-Good Bye

Hello Health, Goodbye Junk Food


I need Protein!

Go nuts! Literally! Meat is also, one good source, but I must make sure it is not high in saturated fat or sodium!

Hello :

Chicken

Turkey

Fish

Beans

Almonds
Goodbye:
Bacon
Pork
Chips

Moderate: As Long as it is lean and ate in moderation

Beef


I have a sweet tooth!

The sweetness in fruit is better tasted when I give up the junk food!

Hello: Fruits

strawberries

pineapples

apples


Goodbye: Junk

Ice cream
Cake
Candy
Chocolate
Shakes

I am still Hungry!
If I load up on veggies in sandwiches or on the side I wont need more!

Hello: Veggies

Lettuce

Spinach
Sprouts

Tomatoes

Bell peppers

Pickles

Banana peppers

Goodbye: Junk
Chips
French Fries

Gym Update & Weigh In

The Y is freakin amazing! I have two trainers for free! They are super sweet and there for me as many times a week as I would like! Well, one so far.

Trainer-1 is really cool! This is the first week and so far it is great! Each day is a different part of my body to be worked. We usually do about an hour or an hour and a half and I do the cardio on my own, which is thirty minutes.

The first day was my lower body, including abs and cardio. The second day was my upper body, including abs and cardio. The third day was my back and cardio.

Conclusion: I was so sore yesterday that I could not bend my legs straight to sleep. lol. Today I feel better, but I am still very uncomfortable. I must exercise it out! I will go hiking and do a regular days work out on my own, which is a little bit of everything and cardio.

Trainer-2 is so cool too! He specializes in nutrition, weight loss, endurance and long distance running.
So far hes helped me get started with Trainer-1 and shown me some ways to get the best out of some machines.
On our to do list is a meeting this weekend to talk about the nutrition and weight loss. I am pretty sure it will include a meal schedule, which Trainer-1 will be happy about, because I don't eat enough.


Weigh In: 178

Starting Point: 185
as of LAST Sunday I weighed in at 178.
the week before I weighed in at 174.

I weigh myself everyday I go to the gym, except today. I have been fluctuating between 178-174. I have no idea what is going on with me because I am eating alright. I do get pretty upset to know that I gain weight but, all in good time.

So far, I am still very motivated. So far, I am not having too much trouble eating healthy because I dont want to gain weight, or make it harder on myself. I am going to the gym and staying as active as I can when I am awake and 5 days a week.
I also walk to and from work which is almost 2 miles. So, I hope by October I will be looking good. I know I have a long way to go! wish me luck!

x0x
nosnoozieq

Picture Perfect Goals

Okie dokie Ladies!
Here are some pictures that I think are perfect for describing the type of body I would like to have. I would like to have a wall or at least my fridge covered in pictures of chicks because it is very inspiring. To see some one in good shape, or doing anything, I think why not me? My hands work, my legs work. If they can do it.. so can I! If theres anyone you think is hot let me know!

Gym Update #2

Gym update!
So, I took 3 days off but I returned today. Today was great! I did my usual routine but I got a nice surprise in the end!
I returned to the gym and I was a bit tired and nervous that I would not be as good as i could be if I never took a day off, but they say it is best to take two days off. I am not so sure about two, but at least one is ok.

To be honest, I am so nervous about the whole thing. When I go, I feel great because I am doing it, but after I get nervous about if I should have done more or I did everything right. Before I go I get nervous about my endurance and performance. When I am at the gym, I may not be the best and it is possible that I am doing it semi right but when I feel the burn it feels great and I get more motivated.
Anyways, I was at the gym today and at the end I got an invite to go to a session with a trainer that works there!

I was finishing my work out with an ab work out and a trainer gave me tips, and insisted I go to a session. H e set one up for me and I am super nervous about it! I hope that I wont be SUCKY! Oh, just the thought.. and I am embarrassed! lol.
I will let you know how it goes!

I hope I can achieve my goals. I will post another with photos of what I would look like. = 0 )

nosnoozieq
x0x

Big Updat

hey guys. heres an another update.
well, I certainly have picked myself back up. I am now going to the gym
and I go daily. I am very excited. I will be posting about all my progress,
my goals and anything else I can think of that is interesting.

I am going to the YMCA. It is pretty impressive, to me. They have so much there, I could stay there all day and the staff and people are so friendly that I find I am only killing time until I go to the gym. They have: boxing, martial arts, ballet, and dancing. They have a huge selection of rooms like: Cardio, weight lifting, a special work out room that is computer organized (keeps your workout info, tells you how to do better, when youre doing good, when to increase and what exercises to do next- SUPER COOL!), basketball courts, tennis and racket courts. They have wifi, personal trainers, messages, and two swimming pools. The best part is that the place is sooooooo FRIENDLY and it is a non profit organization! Instead of paying some dude to have nice rims on a car, it goes to the kids in the community. I feel comfy and like it is ok to be a beginner. Also, it has deals you can try for based on your income.

I have been going two weeks, daily, three hours. At the first week mark I lost a bit of weight. I will weigh myself every Sunday and report it here. To tell you the truth it will be most likely I will weigh myself every day, but I'll only post it on Sundays.

My goal is to get some abs, Smaller waste, pesky back chubby, smaller legs, smaller arms, bigger/rounder ass and to develop some pecs.

ABS: I am not sure how far I would like to go with it, but at least a little definition to where it is noticeable would be nice.

SMALLER WASTE: I would like to have abs, but also get that sexy definition in the hips, the kind that gives the cuts in the hips. Also, I dont want to be a flat, wide square. I would like to be an hour glass but not too big.

BACK CHUBBY: this includes a little bit on my upper sides. This is also known as the back bra area. Ugh, its soooo annoying to see the lumpy area where the bra goes. A nice sleek back is more like it! ; 0 )

SMALLER LEGS: Legs have always been my best asset, and even those need some work! They are really long, which is nice, and strong, which makes me proud, However, The insides kind of rub! That is suuuuper annoying. I recently went to the beach and the sand rubbing in between my legs was hurt so much and I said "I will IMMEDIATELY work on this!" Folks, I need to at least walk right when I am on the beach... it's so embarrassing!

SMALLER ARMS: I used to be pretty thin for a year, so I got new cloths and now my business clothes dont really fit in the arms! how LAME! so, I need to make them smaller and I would love to have them cut. Not too much definition, but the flabby wave really is not cool!

BIGGER/ROUNDER ASS: who doeesn't want a nice ass? I certainly don't want mine to be huge, but a nice firm two handed or one and a half hand grab would be perfect! I squeez my bunz together some times and it has some cellulite. From unclinched buns I am alright, but I really think cellulite is disgusting.

PECS: ok, some of you may be like "whhaaaaat?! Why for goodness sakes would you want that!" Well, I am not wanting crazy, no boobed pecs. Actually, I you develop some pecs you may lift and grow some. That is amazing! but be careful! I would cry if I lost them, but hey I really think plastic surgery is ridiculous and getting perky in the chest area is a big thumbs up to me! ; 0 P

so I will post pictures in the next post to let you know what kind of looks I am talking about. Also, I will be giving play lists to work out to. Some I have taken from some other sites (people) and some i make. I will share all sites I get things from. = 0 )

okie dokie.

so, here's the personal bit of my blog.
BEWARE! lol

so, I finally got my own apartment (no roommates!) which is cool. I am a bit stressed about making rent and not being a big spender. I still have to buy some furniture. I sleep on the couch and right now I am at a cafe, really tasty!, for the internet and coffee. Macchaito is pronounced MAK-E-A-TOE NOT MACH-AYETO ...lmfao. Gosh some times I can be so thick.
Now It is time to download music, put it on my crap phone and eat, then work out 30 minutes to an hour later.
see you later!

-nosnoozieq
x0x

update = 0 )

i've been hiking off and on.
however i have not done it enough.
oh, dear! it is sooo hot. and .. er..
well because of the lack of commitment to the working out
i am paaaaaying for it. Now, i must be hot and uncomfortable.
you see.. im dating someone and er.. well. hes always mentioning
the girls hes dated and er.. they are good looking and er.. well
i've seen his ex and er.. i believe it and well idk. he seems very
into the idea of me losing weight and doing model stuff.
part of me wants to because of that and the other part of me
wants to gain a bunch of weight and just say - NAH! take that!
i mean.. i think i should do as planned and work out and er..
if i get into shape.. which i hope i do -we all know what a struggle that is-
and do model things and he acts different.. .er.. you think i should cut him?
i mean.. what is some one i liked got into great shape.. i mean.. hmm..
that would certainly make me want to be more... touchy feely i suppose.
i mean it doesnt sound unreasonable.. but er.. i cant help but not like the sound of it. hmmm. im not sure. i think i should do it though.. see what happens.
sounds like an experiment.. i will keep you posted on that.
x0x
-nosnoozieq-

update of the most recent kind

Hello!
Well. I have not been working out. AGAIN. what else is new?
Actually, I gave up for a while, and my bike even went kaput.
I had to start walking to and from work, so at least thats exercise, then I got all four of my wisdom teeth pulled out about 2 weeks ago. The second week my mouth hurt just because the air was cold, but now i feel much better. I still have holes but no pain. The only problem now is I have a sore throat. Its getting better and I've decided to ride my bike until I can pin point exactly what is wrong with it.
Yesterday I ran home (uphill) for some parts and today, Boy o' boy am I ever sorry I had to stop riding my bike! I wanted to stop but I kept thinking if I did I was never going to get into shape. It was hard but I am glad I did.
I will walk a lot today too. I need to go to the bank and to target so that is plenty of walking!
I've decided that this blog would be my updates on my work outs and i would start another (I know.. another?) to talk about how i feel. Diaryish.
No one really reads these things anyways. lol. I can say Whatever it is I want! bwahahahahaha! lol
check ya later.
-nosnoozieq-

so far, so good

I have been hiking almost every day and my belly hurts from sit ups and such.
I have been eating what i like.

My life's real hectic right now. rough times. I am having sleeping problems and drinking plenty of caffeine to stay up when needed but carried over when i need to sleep. so my body is all outta wack right now. lol.
but oh well. as long as I keep up the working out and hiking I dont care.

Time to work on drawing in photoshop!

x0x

nosnoozieq

Happy New Year!
I have been gone for a while but, I am back!
I have been trying to get into computer animation school, I also have
been trying to get myself to go hiking, but its only happened
randomly though out the time ive been gone.

This is a new year and I am super excited because I have that feeling
of motivation. I rarely have it, so I know it when I feel it. LOL.

I have already bought a juicer and have made a deal with my roomie
to eat healthier. I have not been running or hiking because I have been
really sick but come rain or shine, tomorrow I will go hiking twice and running
at least once.

So the juicer was expensive, however.. it is flippin awesome! the best drinks
I have ever made! I must say, I am really nervous about putting veggies in that
thing but I will try it soon. I would so prefer to squish all my veggies into
one cup then have them spread through out the day with a crap look on my face. lol.
In case you have one too and are just starting... I hear that if you add apple to
the juiced veggies it will sweeten it right up! Also.., for some odd reason I can really taste the sugar in the fruits, so it is perfect for a sweet craving!

I am going to get into shape this year! I really want it and I am not going to fail!
I want to get into shape by my birthday, which is when summer will start. My birthday is in June, so I have 5 more months to get these buns going! beach babe body here I come!

I will be using the link on my top, right of the profile to keep track of things and
i will look into doing the work outs with zuzanna light! It's kinda hard cause my apartment is upstairs but i'll figure some thing out. Plus, I plan on getting a gym member ship! I already have two volunteers to be a gym buddy. One buddy is for pilates, and boxing. gosh! Is that ever expensive! It's 200 a month!
The other bud is for the running at the gym.

Now, the running gym guy is supper hot! So, before I embarrass myself I am going to start hiking and running out side of the gym and when i get better at running I will
do it inside on a treadmill. He says all it takes is 5 minutes a day to get better. I believe him!

well.. its that time to go to the grocery store and buy some food!

-SO EXCITED ABOUT THE NEW YEAR-

x0x
nosnoozieq

lil update

Heya my peeps!

well...
I found two new hiking buddies and I like it!
It gave me a reason to pick myself up again.
However... I have been sick! So, I have not been able to hike. I have been still walking to work. I can't afford to take a day off. So, I suppose that is at least on the good side. I feel better this week. All that is left is my darn cough! I am working on it though! I have natural remedies I am using that helps.
I just wanted you to know I wasn't dead, and if I didn't think hiking was a bad idea I would be hiking.
I will leave the remedies for being sick on my "Our Golden Ratio" blog tomorrow.
I have started the blog finally and updated it with two separate blogs for today, so tomorrow is perfect for this update.
thanks a bunch.

nosnoozieq
x0x

In Depth Plan!

Dear you,
Hey there! Well, it's time for another post. I have been keeping busy with a lot of activities but not any concentrated and intended workouts. However, I will start Starting Monday.

This weekend I must clean the disaster that is in my apartment. I will be rearranging the house, and trying to get rid of clothes and I hope to get rid of my art. I feel like if I were to burn them it would be a waste... so, I plan on letting someone else use em for firewood behind my back. lol.

On Monday I have a hiking date with a coworker. No... it is not a date date. It's just two chickies going hiking... suffering together...lol.

My downstairs neighbor ended up being in penthouse magazine and these other mags. I am happy for her, but I feel embarrassed to be outta shape. My boyfriend came in and told me about how hot our neighbor is and as soon as I saw it I went upstairs, did my make up and hair and came back down to hang out with my neighbors. How embarrassing! So, Ive decided to go more into depth and really try hard to pick myself up again.

so I updated on was my eating plan. I told you about my monthly plan on exercising and eating. You know, the one with a bigger girl and one with one in shape, with arrows and goals on it. Well, I've decided I've gotten off to a rotten start the second time around, and I have so much weight to catch up on.

I am keeping my monthly calendars posted. Three total, but: one on the fridge, one above my bed and one in the bathroom. I always end up using the one in the bathroom to update the most. Anyways, tonight I made a weekly calender with the same meal plans!

These weekly meals plans will be like my food diary. I will be printing out my weekly meal schedule, and leave space next to it to detail about any changes and what time I ate. Then I am going to put a blank page behind it, and I must write about how I felt about each meal, what my thoughts on about the meals, the day for exercise(if I wish) and if I have any upcoming dates where food will be replaced for a meal do to an occasion of some sort and how I plan on dealing with it. Once that day comes, it will be interesting to see how I did. I will collect these weekly and at the end of the month make an assessment. Write about it and see if I will continue.

Wish Me Luck!

nosnoozieq
x0x

BYE BYE JULY

Hey there peoples!
Ok. So The month of July is over. The weather's been fabulous and I have been enjoying it.

I have not been hiking or working out. At all. The only sort of exercise I've had the entire month was at work or walking to and from work. To and from work is about 2 miles each way. So, I guess it's better than sitting on the couch.

Even though I have not done any substantial working out I have been eating well and keeping up with my three weigh in's. I have been eating a lot of yogurt, cereal, salad, fruits, veggies, rice, and sushi!

Here it is folks.. the good stuff!


STARTING WEIGHT:180

MIDDLE WEIGH IN:180

END WEIGHT:177

GOAL:146

MISSED:31

AUGUST GOAL:126

Ok...ok...ok...ok! I know thats pretty bad. LOL. pretty terrible. I had a huge set back. I still don't feel like getting my butt up and doing things but I am going to anyways! I know my goal is pretty far but this goal is just adding up what I missed and the goal I am supposed to reach if I were on track. I probably wont reach that goal but it is there none the less. I am not so stressed out about reaching my goal like I was in the beginning but it is still very important and I still have that shirt to wear.My next post will be my plans and I do have them even though I feel like being a lazy butt. I will continue to eat well. Wish me luck, I need it.

thanks for tuning in,

nosnoozieQ
x0x

WHY?

hey guys.
Today I was just wanted to brake from my usual physical health chit chat and talk about life a bit.

In an earlier blog I had said that life is complicated. It sure is. I guess I've been thinking a lot and I'd feel better if I typed it out.

Once upon a time I lived in Tucson, Arizona. I didn't have many friends, but it's easy to make them for a night in a university/drinking scene. One young man was rather interesting. I bought him tea out of necessity. I was already drunk but I wanted one more drink. In order for me to use my card I had to buy two drinks. He was the lucky boy reading in the bar sitting next to me that got his choice of anything. He was in a bar reading, and wanted tea. I told him he could have whatever he liked and he kept his word and got tea. It was interesting to me so we ended up talking for a hour or two.

He ended up asking me a question that I always ask myself. What is my "why" in life. Why, I get up, Why I continue to do the things I do and just why my worlds the way it is.

As you may know I have been a bit depressed lately, and now in a blue streak I ask myself what is my why? The question why has always been important to me. In the hard times I ask myself why it had to happen to me. In the good times I wonder why I am so lucky and if it will stay. Then the final why. What is my "Why"

I have just realized I focus more on why instead of what is my why. I am a mystery to myself. I can usually only apply negative contributions to my personality. If I apply positive it is just too restricting. Even though there are things I do not like, there are things I can put up with. The question that asks me what my why removes trying to figure me out through my negative attributes to my characteristics and, instead, goes to the very root of myself.

I used to be lonely in Tucson. I was in a new state, no friends and no family. I did not speak to my family and my friends were forgetting about me and carrying on with their own busy life. All I had was my dog. My dog became my why. It sounds absolutely mad and pathetic but tis true.

I no longer have my dog and I no longer have my why. I do things with a short burst of why, but nothing permanent. Nothing to be my rock. This is why I fall so easy. I need a why and I have none.

I hope I will find one again. I suppose it is why I feel empty or lonely now.

Still pondering,

nosnoozieq
xox

Let's Ride... Upcoming Events!

Hey Guys.
It's been a while. I think a week. I feel awful about not working out, but I have only had the energy to go to work, the bathroom and squeeze a salad in.

Yes, I am still depressed. However, I had a conversation with a friend who cared and it made me feel better. It was nice to talk to some one and laugh. So, Thanks Andrew! It meant a lot to me.

I hope I did not gain all my weight back. I am just going to continue as if I never stopped. There area also a few new things I am going to do.

BLOG(S): I have decided I do not want to mash all the things I'd like to talk about under one blog. This way it will be easier for you to keep track of particular subjects.

There is another blog I have, The new blog is under this same profile and it's name is : Our Golden Ratio. It is going to be the beauty/fashion side of my blog.

My future plans will have maybe another one or two blogs. One about cooking and another just personal.. maybe l.a/California adventures/recommendations.

TWITTER: I have a nosnoozieq twitter. http://twitter.com/nosnoozieq I am not very popular so, I have time to fix it up and work on it,lol. But, that is what the next upcoming event is.

YOUTUBE:
I have an account. It is the same name and I will set a link and make a post about it when the video's up.

Dusting My knees Off- I hope

I know I made a post last night about getting up from the horse when you fall off but these things take time for me. Maybe, I should explain.

This entry will be my most personal entry, so it may be boring but for those of
you who want to understand more about how it all works for me, I think this is one of the things you should know.

First off, I am still very depressed and I haven't worked out in a couple days. Until a few months ago I've had serve depression and anxiety for most of my life. My anxiety and depression caused me to have fatigue, stomach problems, large amounts of hair falling out and to have breakdowns more often than not. I thought it was normal to feel the way I did, after all, my childhood was not as ... warmhearted as it was supposed to be. One day my boyfriend informed me that I was sad, and in pain all the time. To my surprise I said "I am?". I had gotten so used to the state of being I thought it was just the way I was meant to be.

It took a year to understand that I was not feeling the way a healthy person should.
After all these years, I finally couldn't take it anymore! I just could not go on living the way I was. I would do anything just to function. So, I decided to start taking care of myself. I thought "I must fix my mind". However, during a session with my amazing therapist, I realized I must start taking care of all of me. Body, mind and soul. That day I talked a friend into hiking with me and we have been hiking and/or working out since.

I don't understand why I haven't really changed. I tried. I really, really tried. I thought it was. Ever since that day I had my crying breakdown I posted about I have just gone back to feeling how I used to. I just don't know if I am meant to feel any other way. I've been thinking about giving up this blog, working out, therapy, and I've been coming home to shower and sleep. I haven't really wanted to be awake or talk but I am doing my best to do it anyways. I am supposed to go hiking twice tomorrow. I don't know if I will (I have trouble getting up when I am depressed) but I will try and I will try to think positive.

I hope I can start again,

nosnoozieq
x0x

Falling Off The Horse

Hey guys.
Sometimes life is really complicated. I often find myself in a state of
befuddlement because it's impossible imagine how my life got so messy, even though
it is I who chooses my paths.


Last night was no good. I hear how I am fat and how I need to lose weight from my coworkers everyday. It's already bad I think so, but it's another thing to be reminded of it by my coworkers. Poo.

Anyways, my friend/work out buddy came to pick me up after work (unbeknownst to me) and he is just so mean to me! We are usually insulting towards each other with laughter but I guess he was in a terrible mood, so it wasn't funny this time. We went to the grocery store so I could pick up some things to make a salad and he commented on how I looked as if I gained weight and I just couldn't take it anymore!

I could hold it until I got in the car, but after that I flooded the car. I couldn't
stop crying and I didn't want to talk about it. I just wanted to go home. I wanted to go home, lay in my bed and never get up again.I asked him to take me home. I was so upset I thought to myself "I'll just stop eating!". However, by the time I got home I was hungry, which made me cry more.

I didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't end up working out but I did just eat a salad, even though I felt like eating pizza, a hamburger, and fries. I guess I did eat bad when I felt bad. I never noticed. I guess I noticed this time because instead of eating what I wanted my boyfriend said no, and I just paced around my apartment and cried until I made my salad. After, I was still hungry but I just had a glass of milk to fill me.

I felt so bad for not working out. I felt so bad for wanting to eat more. I felt so bad because I'm not losing weight fast enough to make people stop bringing my weight up. I felt so bad last night I feel pessimistic now. I don't want to talk to my friend today either, and he's the one with the gym.

All this overwhelming, depressing emotions have put a dent in my faith in me, and my work out schedule. However, I am trying to remember to take responsibility for my own emotions and actions! Just because I fell off the horse (wagons more like it..lol) doesn't mean I should lay there and cry.

Trying to get back up,

nosnoozieq
x0x

p.s
HAPPY 4TH!
x0x