BYE BYE JULY

Hey there peoples!
Ok. So The month of July is over. The weather's been fabulous and I have been enjoying it.

I have not been hiking or working out. At all. The only sort of exercise I've had the entire month was at work or walking to and from work. To and from work is about 2 miles each way. So, I guess it's better than sitting on the couch.

Even though I have not done any substantial working out I have been eating well and keeping up with my three weigh in's. I have been eating a lot of yogurt, cereal, salad, fruits, veggies, rice, and sushi!

Here it is folks.. the good stuff!


STARTING WEIGHT:180

MIDDLE WEIGH IN:180

END WEIGHT:177

GOAL:146

MISSED:31

AUGUST GOAL:126

Ok...ok...ok...ok! I know thats pretty bad. LOL. pretty terrible. I had a huge set back. I still don't feel like getting my butt up and doing things but I am going to anyways! I know my goal is pretty far but this goal is just adding up what I missed and the goal I am supposed to reach if I were on track. I probably wont reach that goal but it is there none the less. I am not so stressed out about reaching my goal like I was in the beginning but it is still very important and I still have that shirt to wear.My next post will be my plans and I do have them even though I feel like being a lazy butt. I will continue to eat well. Wish me luck, I need it.

thanks for tuning in,

nosnoozieQ
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WHY?

hey guys.
Today I was just wanted to brake from my usual physical health chit chat and talk about life a bit.

In an earlier blog I had said that life is complicated. It sure is. I guess I've been thinking a lot and I'd feel better if I typed it out.

Once upon a time I lived in Tucson, Arizona. I didn't have many friends, but it's easy to make them for a night in a university/drinking scene. One young man was rather interesting. I bought him tea out of necessity. I was already drunk but I wanted one more drink. In order for me to use my card I had to buy two drinks. He was the lucky boy reading in the bar sitting next to me that got his choice of anything. He was in a bar reading, and wanted tea. I told him he could have whatever he liked and he kept his word and got tea. It was interesting to me so we ended up talking for a hour or two.

He ended up asking me a question that I always ask myself. What is my "why" in life. Why, I get up, Why I continue to do the things I do and just why my worlds the way it is.

As you may know I have been a bit depressed lately, and now in a blue streak I ask myself what is my why? The question why has always been important to me. In the hard times I ask myself why it had to happen to me. In the good times I wonder why I am so lucky and if it will stay. Then the final why. What is my "Why"

I have just realized I focus more on why instead of what is my why. I am a mystery to myself. I can usually only apply negative contributions to my personality. If I apply positive it is just too restricting. Even though there are things I do not like, there are things I can put up with. The question that asks me what my why removes trying to figure me out through my negative attributes to my characteristics and, instead, goes to the very root of myself.

I used to be lonely in Tucson. I was in a new state, no friends and no family. I did not speak to my family and my friends were forgetting about me and carrying on with their own busy life. All I had was my dog. My dog became my why. It sounds absolutely mad and pathetic but tis true.

I no longer have my dog and I no longer have my why. I do things with a short burst of why, but nothing permanent. Nothing to be my rock. This is why I fall so easy. I need a why and I have none.

I hope I will find one again. I suppose it is why I feel empty or lonely now.

Still pondering,

nosnoozieq
xox

Let's Ride... Upcoming Events!

Hey Guys.
It's been a while. I think a week. I feel awful about not working out, but I have only had the energy to go to work, the bathroom and squeeze a salad in.

Yes, I am still depressed. However, I had a conversation with a friend who cared and it made me feel better. It was nice to talk to some one and laugh. So, Thanks Andrew! It meant a lot to me.

I hope I did not gain all my weight back. I am just going to continue as if I never stopped. There area also a few new things I am going to do.

BLOG(S): I have decided I do not want to mash all the things I'd like to talk about under one blog. This way it will be easier for you to keep track of particular subjects.

There is another blog I have, The new blog is under this same profile and it's name is : Our Golden Ratio. It is going to be the beauty/fashion side of my blog.

My future plans will have maybe another one or two blogs. One about cooking and another just personal.. maybe l.a/California adventures/recommendations.

TWITTER: I have a nosnoozieq twitter. http://twitter.com/nosnoozieq I am not very popular so, I have time to fix it up and work on it,lol. But, that is what the next upcoming event is.

YOUTUBE:
I have an account. It is the same name and I will set a link and make a post about it when the video's up.

Dusting My knees Off- I hope

I know I made a post last night about getting up from the horse when you fall off but these things take time for me. Maybe, I should explain.

This entry will be my most personal entry, so it may be boring but for those of
you who want to understand more about how it all works for me, I think this is one of the things you should know.

First off, I am still very depressed and I haven't worked out in a couple days. Until a few months ago I've had serve depression and anxiety for most of my life. My anxiety and depression caused me to have fatigue, stomach problems, large amounts of hair falling out and to have breakdowns more often than not. I thought it was normal to feel the way I did, after all, my childhood was not as ... warmhearted as it was supposed to be. One day my boyfriend informed me that I was sad, and in pain all the time. To my surprise I said "I am?". I had gotten so used to the state of being I thought it was just the way I was meant to be.

It took a year to understand that I was not feeling the way a healthy person should.
After all these years, I finally couldn't take it anymore! I just could not go on living the way I was. I would do anything just to function. So, I decided to start taking care of myself. I thought "I must fix my mind". However, during a session with my amazing therapist, I realized I must start taking care of all of me. Body, mind and soul. That day I talked a friend into hiking with me and we have been hiking and/or working out since.

I don't understand why I haven't really changed. I tried. I really, really tried. I thought it was. Ever since that day I had my crying breakdown I posted about I have just gone back to feeling how I used to. I just don't know if I am meant to feel any other way. I've been thinking about giving up this blog, working out, therapy, and I've been coming home to shower and sleep. I haven't really wanted to be awake or talk but I am doing my best to do it anyways. I am supposed to go hiking twice tomorrow. I don't know if I will (I have trouble getting up when I am depressed) but I will try and I will try to think positive.

I hope I can start again,

nosnoozieq
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The Weigh In- bum bum bum!

Hey there guys!
Well... I must say it's been a really busy month. Working out makes me feel as if my life were fuller some how, but I know it's only two or three hours of my day. Kinda weird huh? I'm super tired!As of right now, my arms are very sore. Yey!

Anyways, on with the main bits!
In the middle of the month, on the 15th, I weighed myself and I had gained weight! I weighed 185 pounds! I was so upset! I think I was really stressed out about it! How could I have gained weight when I was working so hard? I was ready to give up right there. I felt so bad about gaining weight I wanted to see if continuing I could lose weight. So, I weighed my self the other day and GUESS WHAT?!

I lost 6 pounds! Yey! I am at 179!

I can't tell at all. I feel like maybe I just didn't weigh myself right? I must have, I am trained to do weigh ins (I am a C.N.A). I cant believe it took a month to lose 6 pounds! That's really slow! I mean, for me anyways. My boyfriend says the weight should start falling off now but im not holding my breath. Either way I am happy. It is certainly better than going on that scale and having it go up!

I want to lose 50 pounds, and I want to do it in 3 months. That means about 17 pounds a month. I sorta didn't make this months weigh in. So now I have catching up to do!


June: start: 180
mid: 185
end: 179
goal: 163
MISSED: 16
It's like I didnt even do this month! I am going to try to make up for this month!

July: start: 179
goal: 146
total: 33
Yikes! Thats a lot but... not impossible. I hope to keep my goal! Wish me luck guys, I need it!

Thanks For Listening!
Happy Fat Losing & Muscle Gaining!

nosnoozieq
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