WHY?

hey guys.
Today I was just wanted to brake from my usual physical health chit chat and talk about life a bit.

In an earlier blog I had said that life is complicated. It sure is. I guess I've been thinking a lot and I'd feel better if I typed it out.

Once upon a time I lived in Tucson, Arizona. I didn't have many friends, but it's easy to make them for a night in a university/drinking scene. One young man was rather interesting. I bought him tea out of necessity. I was already drunk but I wanted one more drink. In order for me to use my card I had to buy two drinks. He was the lucky boy reading in the bar sitting next to me that got his choice of anything. He was in a bar reading, and wanted tea. I told him he could have whatever he liked and he kept his word and got tea. It was interesting to me so we ended up talking for a hour or two.

He ended up asking me a question that I always ask myself. What is my "why" in life. Why, I get up, Why I continue to do the things I do and just why my worlds the way it is.

As you may know I have been a bit depressed lately, and now in a blue streak I ask myself what is my why? The question why has always been important to me. In the hard times I ask myself why it had to happen to me. In the good times I wonder why I am so lucky and if it will stay. Then the final why. What is my "Why"

I have just realized I focus more on why instead of what is my why. I am a mystery to myself. I can usually only apply negative contributions to my personality. If I apply positive it is just too restricting. Even though there are things I do not like, there are things I can put up with. The question that asks me what my why removes trying to figure me out through my negative attributes to my characteristics and, instead, goes to the very root of myself.

I used to be lonely in Tucson. I was in a new state, no friends and no family. I did not speak to my family and my friends were forgetting about me and carrying on with their own busy life. All I had was my dog. My dog became my why. It sounds absolutely mad and pathetic but tis true.

I no longer have my dog and I no longer have my why. I do things with a short burst of why, but nothing permanent. Nothing to be my rock. This is why I fall so easy. I need a why and I have none.

I hope I will find one again. I suppose it is why I feel empty or lonely now.

Still pondering,

nosnoozieq
xox

One reason is good enough

Why do I want to get into shape? Sure, I think
I could be happy eating what I'd like, never really exercising.
Oh, I could see it now... with a pot belly, coloring and eating pizza on
my lovely red couch!

*I want to be healthy.
*Being able to be social with out drinking and drugs is not the only improvement
On my health and anti-aging.
*I'd like to not fall apart at 50.
*Working out helps with depression.
*Working out means I have a shot at being tired enough to sleep.
*Working out makes my circulation better, so i can stay toasty all the time.
*I hate when my thighs rub together.
*I'd like to be strong and have good endurance.
*Not being rolled down the hall like Violet Beauregarde...lol.
*I want to try modeling.
*I'd like to fit in any clothes I like.
*It's a fun hobby.
*I would like to look good on the beach.
*I would like to do all sports like surfing and soccer.
*I'd like to make a life change, not a diet.
***Most importantly-#1:Prove to myself I am a trooper and I can do anything I put
my mind to.
***Most importantly-#2:Also, to help others understand that the pain sucks but it
won't last forever, They can do it too.

It's a long list but true.
I hope to help myself and be helpful to others.
Any questions, comments or anything at all just contact me and I'll do my best!

I would like other