Falling Off The Horse

Hey guys.
Sometimes life is really complicated. I often find myself in a state of
befuddlement because it's impossible imagine how my life got so messy, even though
it is I who chooses my paths.


Last night was no good. I hear how I am fat and how I need to lose weight from my coworkers everyday. It's already bad I think so, but it's another thing to be reminded of it by my coworkers. Poo.

Anyways, my friend/work out buddy came to pick me up after work (unbeknownst to me) and he is just so mean to me! We are usually insulting towards each other with laughter but I guess he was in a terrible mood, so it wasn't funny this time. We went to the grocery store so I could pick up some things to make a salad and he commented on how I looked as if I gained weight and I just couldn't take it anymore!

I could hold it until I got in the car, but after that I flooded the car. I couldn't
stop crying and I didn't want to talk about it. I just wanted to go home. I wanted to go home, lay in my bed and never get up again.I asked him to take me home. I was so upset I thought to myself "I'll just stop eating!". However, by the time I got home I was hungry, which made me cry more.

I didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't end up working out but I did just eat a salad, even though I felt like eating pizza, a hamburger, and fries. I guess I did eat bad when I felt bad. I never noticed. I guess I noticed this time because instead of eating what I wanted my boyfriend said no, and I just paced around my apartment and cried until I made my salad. After, I was still hungry but I just had a glass of milk to fill me.

I felt so bad for not working out. I felt so bad for wanting to eat more. I felt so bad because I'm not losing weight fast enough to make people stop bringing my weight up. I felt so bad last night I feel pessimistic now. I don't want to talk to my friend today either, and he's the one with the gym.

All this overwhelming, depressing emotions have put a dent in my faith in me, and my work out schedule. However, I am trying to remember to take responsibility for my own emotions and actions! Just because I fell off the horse (wagons more like it..lol) doesn't mean I should lay there and cry.

Trying to get back up,

nosnoozieq
x0x

p.s
HAPPY 4TH!
x0x