Dusting My knees Off- I hope

I know I made a post last night about getting up from the horse when you fall off but these things take time for me. Maybe, I should explain.

This entry will be my most personal entry, so it may be boring but for those of
you who want to understand more about how it all works for me, I think this is one of the things you should know.

First off, I am still very depressed and I haven't worked out in a couple days. Until a few months ago I've had serve depression and anxiety for most of my life. My anxiety and depression caused me to have fatigue, stomach problems, large amounts of hair falling out and to have breakdowns more often than not. I thought it was normal to feel the way I did, after all, my childhood was not as ... warmhearted as it was supposed to be. One day my boyfriend informed me that I was sad, and in pain all the time. To my surprise I said "I am?". I had gotten so used to the state of being I thought it was just the way I was meant to be.

It took a year to understand that I was not feeling the way a healthy person should.
After all these years, I finally couldn't take it anymore! I just could not go on living the way I was. I would do anything just to function. So, I decided to start taking care of myself. I thought "I must fix my mind". However, during a session with my amazing therapist, I realized I must start taking care of all of me. Body, mind and soul. That day I talked a friend into hiking with me and we have been hiking and/or working out since.

I don't understand why I haven't really changed. I tried. I really, really tried. I thought it was. Ever since that day I had my crying breakdown I posted about I have just gone back to feeling how I used to. I just don't know if I am meant to feel any other way. I've been thinking about giving up this blog, working out, therapy, and I've been coming home to shower and sleep. I haven't really wanted to be awake or talk but I am doing my best to do it anyways. I am supposed to go hiking twice tomorrow. I don't know if I will (I have trouble getting up when I am depressed) but I will try and I will try to think positive.

I hope I can start again,

nosnoozieq
x0x